Why you men always trying to control me?
Many years ago back in the early nineties I dated this beautiful young white lady. I met her at the near by Laundromat. She was excited about meeting me to the point that she was willing to lie to me to make me happy. I guess I was that interesting! After spending sometimes getting to know each other; it was an excitement for me because she only lives two blocks away from me. As for me having a girlfriend and not having to spend a lot of money to travel back and forth, was a gold mine.
I was very happy because I was without a girlfriend for a longtime. I shared with her about my hobbies. During that time I used to love running. Since I lived a walking distance to the beach, I used to jog on the walk and bike path. We basically had similar interest, that’s what I thought as far as she told me.
Usually I do my jogging in Saturday mornings. Since it was our interest, I invited her to come along. She told me that she couldn’t go with me this time. Ok! I understand. The following weekend I invited her again to go jogging, she was frustrated and told me that she hates jogging even exercising. She had told me that she liked jogging because she wanted to make me happy. I told her, “You told me that you like jogging and you would go jogging with”. She was angry with me and said “you man always trying to control me!”
During the time of our relationship I tried to be very nice and gentle toward her, to show her that I was not like other man that are trying to control her. I even encouraged her to go back to school. When her parents heard that she was going back to school, they had tears of joy, they were so happy because she was the first one in the family to go to college. When she was sick, I prepared for her one of my favorite soups from Haiti. That was the first time that I have ever prepared that dish for anyone. Unfortunately, she did not eat it, but left it spoiled.
Sometimes later I called her; she told me that she did not want me to see her. It puzzled me because we have only been together for a short period of time. I asked her why? She refused to tell me. When I insisted, she told me she will tell me, but not to be mad and not to laugh. I agreed!
She told me about her ex-boyfriend that sold to her, her car. Every month when she sent her payments to him, he kept the checks, and he does not cash them. He used that as leverage against her to take advantage and threaten to cash them all at once. But, her mistake was that she spent the money and by doing so she gives him control over her.
On the phone she mentioned to me that he had put all kind of stuff on her neck. It never occurred to me that she was talking about hickeys on her neck. I had to see it for myself. When I got to her apartment, she had a handkerchief around her neck. “Let me see” I said, but she hesitated. I could not help it, but laugh. I was angry with him and thinking at the same time, how stupid she could have been.
Our relationship began to diminish from that point on. I didn’t know what to do and I knew that he had control over her and she wanted him to.
I knew that I was out of the picture, but I tried to project myself to be strong by offering to call my friend who knew some gang members, so we could pay him a visit and teach him a lesson. As time passed by, she seemed to have lost interest in me. When I called her, she wasn’t returning my calls. We worked in the same property, but when I tried to make up with her, she told me that she was in debt that I could not help her because she needed someone who could help her pay her bills. She basically put it: “Johnny can you pay my bills”. I stayed quiet because I knew that I couldn’t pay her bills and she had problems.
One year had passed, I saw her again and we stopped to talk. She informed me that she could not talk to me for long because her girl friend did not want her to talk to me. I was very surprised because she had gained so much weight. Then since she had accused me and other men of trying to control her, but now, she had given control of herself to her dike girlfriend. It saddens me!
I don’t recall how much time later, but I was at Long Beach City College, I walked in to her ex-boyfriend. When he saw me, I could tell that he was nervous. I approached him with a friendly salute as though he was not at fault, but it was her choice. And at the same time, I projected to him that I intended to have a friendly peaceful conversation.
I shook his hand and asked him how he was doing then I asked about her. The moment I asked about her, he breathed heavily and shook his head and said “The last time I saw her, she became a prostitute, she was with her pimp, and had a baby for him.”
What really led me to write this story is about personal responsibility. We blame others or some specific group for having control over us, but in reality we surrender our control to them because we don’t want to take personal responsibility for our actions. It is easier to blame it on someone else. By doing that we are actually robbing ourselves of the beauty of the experience that life would bring and the journey of the path we would take.
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